Super Bowl Halftime Shows Ranked: Rob Sheffield’s Worst, Best

The worst. Simply the worst. Watching on the time, you immediately knew you have been witnessing one thing magical and particular – like seeing a unicorn cough up blood. The Black Eyed Peas had light-up robotic fits. Cool! Sorta! They did their model of “I’ve Had the Time of My Life.” Not so cool! Usher regarded like he wished to cover. Then the tragic phrases: “Women and gents . . . the one and solely . . . Slash!” Oh Slash, poor Slash – dueting with Fergie to “Candy Little one o’ Mine.” How did this occur? This was the identical Tremendous Bowl the place Christina Aguilera did her memorable interpretation of the Nationwide Anthem, so yeah, music had a tough day. So did Steelers followers.

Earlier than the Nineteen Nineties, the Tremendous Bowl honchos had no thought they may flip the halftime present into a part of the occasion. Till then, it was a toilet break. So there’s no level making marginal distinctions between the primary 24 of them – a low-budget blur of school marching bands, Elvis impersonators, Carol Channing, George Burns, the Rockettes, and 12 months after 12 months, Up With Folks, who have been chipper castrati packed in ice between Tremendous Bowls, then defrosted as an annual reminder to NFL followers that bladders get full and plumbing may help. It’d be foolish to evaluate these by modern-day requirements, since none have been deliberate as something greater than cheeseball filler. However at the least they weren’t the Black Eyed Peas.

That is the place folks began studying they may placed on an precise present at halftime. However studying slowly. Don’t blame the New Children, who didn’t get to sing any of their perkier tunes. As an alternative, they acquired caught doing their sappiest hit, “This One’s for the Kids,” segueing right into a Disney kiddie choir. Besides the Gulf Battle had simply began, so “It’s a Small World (After All)” was the final sentiment anybody wished to listen to. Since ABC Information did a battle report throughout halftime, this acquired bumped till after the sport, which was in all probability for the perfect. The New Children stated their piece a pair weeks later on the American Music Awards, the place Donnie Wahlberg carried out in a “Battle Sucks” T-shirt.

The lineup of expertise seems so promising, but not one of the stars did any of their precise hits – everyone who wished to do some air-drumming to Phil Collins, or some couch-humping to Xtina, acquired thwarted by goopy ballads no one knew. Phil did the love theme from Tarzan. Xtina and Enrique rubbed everyone the improper approach with a tune known as “Have fun the Future Hand in Hand.” Even “Proud Mary” couldn’t get Tina turning. Folks, that is the Tremendous Bowl. You gotta make an enormous impression. You gotta like what you do.

A “Winter Magic” pageant, as a result of the sport was in Minnesota. Big snowmen. Determine skaters Dorothy Hammill and Brian Boitano. Hideous dancing imps waving hockey sticks to Queen‘s “Don’t Cease Me Now.” And Gloria Estefan, as a result of whenever you consider the Nice White North, you naturally consider Gloria and her Minneapolis Sound Machine. However everybody clicked away to observe In Dwelling Colour‘s dwell comedy particular – a type of genius concepts that modified the world. (In Dwelling Colour had a number of these.) No person had ever challenged the Tremendous Bowl halftime earlier than, and it labored, as a result of even low-cost Dick Butkus jokes have been extra enjoyable than listening to “Winter Wonderland” in January. This was the large turning level, because the In Dwelling Colour stunt lastly jolted the Tremendous Bowl into getting severe about halftime. The following 12 months they introduced in Michael Jackson. What would Brian Boitano do?

Rattling, 1995 was a 12 months of high-profile disasters: Waterworld, Hurricane Peter McNeely, the fateful day Invoice Clinton’s secretary introduced, “Sir, the lady’s right here with the pizza.” After which there was this one. Disney staged a live-action Indiana Jones caper on the sector, besides Harrison Ford correctly stayed away. Patti LaBelle and Tony Bennett weren’t so fortunate. By the finale of “Can You Really feel the Love Tonight?,” viewers throughout America have been gaping in horror – it was like watching the Nazi troopers open the Misplaced Ark.

A tribute to New Orleans, additionally to the fortieth anniversary of the sketch “Peanuts,” and possibly additionally to medicine. As a result of Charlie Brown has what precisely the hell to do with jambalaya and Mardi Gras once more? However as a result of New Orleans is New Orleans, the music was nonetheless kinda catchy at its corniest. All of it ended with Snoopy dancing on a Mississippi River steamboat to “When the Saints Go Marching In,” which segued into “Blissful Birthday, Charlie Brown.” In the meantime, a TV viewers of traumatized Broncos followers vowed by no means to get excessive earlier than halftime once more.

John Belushi was useless, by the best way. However the Tremendous Bowl introduced again the Blues Brothers, maybe as a result of they couldn’t get the 1985 Chicago Bears to reprise “Tremendous Bowl Shuffle.” Dan Aykroyd, John Goodman and Jim Belushi immodestly tried soul classics by Solomon Burke and James Brown. The Godfather of Soul himself appeared, but possibly deserved slightly extra airtime than Jim Belushi, don’t you assume? By the point ZZ High got here to the rescue for some “Tush,” it was too little too late.

No person wished to go close to the Tremendous Bowl in 2019, amid all of the outrage over the NFL’s blacklisting of Colin Kaepernick. Cardi B and Rihanna turned it down flat. The most effective the NFL may dredge up was Adam Levine, who’s by no means regarded much less like a rock star than when he yelled, “Can I play some guitar for you proper now?” It was godawful, regardless of cameos from Travis Scott, Large Boi and Spongebob Squarepants. When Levine whipped off his tank high to flash his nipples (twice as many as Janet Jackson confirmed) for “Strikes Like Jagger,” it changed into one unhappy bachelorette get together. Be aware: Rumours that there are different folks moreover Levine in Maroon 5 couldn’t be confirmed at press time.

Neither Pete Townshend nor Roger Daltrey had ever watched an American soccer sport. (Or the halftime-show DVDs the NFL despatched them for reference.) Possibly that explains why the Who didn’t perceive the high-visibility, high-stakes nature of this gig. Alas, they confirmed up much more shoddily ready than the Colts, fumbling a medley of classics — unhappy to consider all the children on the market first listening to “Received’t Get Fooled Once more” or “Baba O’Riley” on this sorry situation. Daltrey gave the impression of he actually did simply get up in a SoHo doorway, killing “Who Are You” useless one hoo-hoo at a time. These suspicious “crowd sing-along” audio cues sounded about as plausible as a Seinfeld snort observe. Unhappy however true: There’s no simple strategy to be free.

What did you anticipate – Nirvana reprising their Unplugged set? This was healthful all-American nation leisure, and it acquired the job accomplished with among the brightest Nashville stars of the day, all of them fairly close to their peak, besides the Judds, who have been within the sixth or seventh 12 months of their farewell tour. (Poor Wynonna was doing high quality solo till her mama crashed the present.) No thrills, however in a gig like this, taking part in it protected generally is a good transfer.

We’ve seen the nipple and the injury accomplished. With out query essentially the most well-known halftime present ever, the one which compelled a era of People to listen to their mothers utter the phrase “aureole.” It killed off Janet Jackson‘s beforehand unstoppable profession – virtually 20 years of hitmaking, zapped in a single breast-bounce. It rattling close to killed Justin’s too, as his clumsy (and none too gallant) dealing with of the controversy ended his post-N’Sync honeymoon with the general public. (It took two years and Timbaland for JT to get his attractive again.)

The music was principally nice, however the fallout was toxic. The Bush administration (particularly Colin Powell’s son on the FCC) led a hysterical campaign to demonize MTV and Miss Jackson. You may pinpoint this because the second MTV determined to bail out of the music enterprise solely. Throughout, a disastrous second for America. Additionally, Jessica Simpson sang.

When it got here to halftime reveals, the motto for the late Nineties was “extra Sixties R&B oldies, please.” Boyz II Males, nonetheless one of many world’s largest and finest pop teams at the moment, led this tribute to Motown, bringing out Smokey Robinson, the Temptations, the 4 Tops and Martha Reeves. And what have you learnt – no Jim Belushi.

JT returns to the scene of the crime, reprising “Rock Your Physique” atthe Tremendous Bowl 14 years after it capsized Janet Jackson’s profession. He saved it primary — no NSync reunion (he didn’t even give them a Future’s Little one-style wham-bam quickie), no Janet rematch, no Britney twirl throughout “Cry Me A River,” not even Timbaland for “Horny Again.” Justin was selling a brand new album (Man of the Woods, it was known as — critically) and aiming to please within the blandest approach potential. The spotlight was a short video duet with Prince on “I Would Die 4 U.” However by the point heended with “Can’t Cease The Feeling,” not even Prince may have made a case for not stopping the sensation.

Stevie rolled out a number of tried-and-true classics in Miami, graciously giving native goddess Gloria Estefan a long-deserved do-over shot at Tremendous Bowl redemption. “Sir Duke” was his hundredth-birthday salute to Duke Ellington; for the finale, he donned a jacket with “AFRICAN” down one sleeve and “AMERICAN” down the opposite. Gloria turned the beat round, giving her Miami peeps salsa percussion. And the cameo from then-hot swing revivalists Large Unhealthy Voodoo Daddy will assist remind future historians that the Nineties have been bizarre.

Hey, let’s simply neglect Shania confirmed up for this one, OK? Her efficiency was a career-freezing sadgasm – you already know the star is bombing when the digital camera goes for close-ups of the keytar dude. However Sting and Gwen got here alongside to rescue the present. They made an insanely cute couple with their tantric harmonizing to “Message in a Bottle.” Gwen was such a pure for this position, boosting the hometown SoCal crowd along with her all-American enthusiasm – busting out push-ups for the feminist “Only a Woman,” no much less – it’s unusual they by no means begged her to return again and do it once more. Bonus factors for Chris Berman including the punch line: “The Sting has been on the Raiders offense!”

Women and gents, the Weeknd. For the primary pandemic Tremendous Bowl, Abel Tesfaye made the many of the socially distanced limitations. He went all the best way solo, no visitors or duets, in a half-empty stadium. The vitality stage was mighty low, however at the least the flashy set design suited the alienation of “Can’t Really feel My Face,” particularly when he acquired stampeded by robot-mummy dancers in grotesque facial bandages. It didn’t take off till the 11-minute level, with a bizarre rendition of Siouxsie and the Banshees’ “Blissful Home” — essentially the most goth Tremendous Bowl second ever?

Bruno Mars was a daring selection – folks questioned whether or not he even had sufficient catalog to fill the time slot. However he proved he belonged proper off the bat with that drum solo. He evoked the Motown-revue halftime reveals of the Nineties along with his old-school R&B strikes, rocking a Jackie Wilson quiff, a James Brown go well with and reviving the Isley Brothers’ “Shout.” Then he gave it away to the Purple Sizzling Chili Peppers, who made the daring option to shock actually no one by leaping round shirtless to certainly one of their largest hits.

Usher didn’t go for giant thrills or surprises in his set—simply the Atlanta love man luxuriating in his consolation zone with glitzy confidence. Usher did a millennial- pleasant set of 2000s R&B love-in-the-club oldies, with previous mates like Alicia Keys, Ludacris, and Jermaine Dupri. (Not Justin Bieber, who stiffed Ush even
although he was there on the sport—for disgrace, Biebz.) Alicia match proper in with “If I Ain’t Acquired You” and “My Boo.” H.E.R. gave him an enormous increase along with her guitar-herointerlude, soloing in her black-leather house go well with whereas Ush become curler skates. However the vitality took off on the finish, when Lil Jon burst into “Flip Down For What,” main right into a crunk finale of Ush, Jon, and Ludacris doing “Yeah!” In the meantime, Beyoncé introduced her new Act II and Taylor Swift partied it up with Lana Del Rey, so music had an enormous night time.

The diva-est halftime ever. “Come on, world!” Miss Ross yelled, whereas getting lowered to the stage on a crane made from sparklers. “We’re gonna take you greater! On the Tremendous, Tremendous, Tremendous Bowl!” The staging was alarmingly klutzy – throughout her Supremes medley, it was exhausting to not fear she’d get trampled by her military of red-vested dancers. However what an ending: Diana introduced “Oh my – right here comes my journey!” as her helicopter landed and her flight crew led her away for a real diva exit within the Ross-Chopper. The Tremendous Bowl of us clearly liked it, since they went on a tear of Sixties soul revues for the remainder of the last decade.

Give Coldplay credit score – most bands, confronted with the duty of opening for Beyoncé, would have come down with a handy case of the flu. (And a case of the flu would have been extra enjoyable than Bruno Mars’ “Uptown Funk” interlude.) Chris Martin and firm made essentially the most of “Viva La Vida,” however there is no denying the principle attraction was Beyonce’s world-slaying premiere of “Formation,” along with her dancers dressed as Black Panthers. It was only a two-minute style of “Formation,” nevertheless it was sufficient to blow the remainder of the present away.

Tom Brady and the Heartbreakers – arrrgggh, I imply Tom Petty. Nicely, as Petty would say, even the losers get fortunate generally, therefore the Giants successful this Tremendous Bowl on a helmet catch. Petty did a wonderful set – he was the sort of star who clearly understood the event, and knew what his job was. “American Woman” was 100% the appropriate opening tune. So there’s no downside along with his halftime efficiency in any respect. Nevertheless it’s nonetheless docked a notch or two for coming in the course of essentially the most soul-crushing Tremendous Bowl ever. Yeah, I’m from New England. Sorry. It’s not Petty’s fault, however as all Pats followers discovered that day, life is merciless. Now should you’ll excuse me, I’m gonna go slam my head towards the wall, 18 instances on one aspect after which 1 on the opposite.

MJ had a streak of nice TV performances by way of his profession: “I Need You Again” on Soul Practice, “Billie Jean” on Motown 25, “Man within the Mirror” on the 1988 Grammys. This was the final certainly one of his lifetime. He was in a late-game resurgence along with his Oprah interview, his Harmful album and his candy snuggle with Janet on the 1993 Grammys. (“Me and Janet actually are two totally different folks!”) He started by standing stone nonetheless for 90 seconds of silence, then glided by way of two of his finest hits (“Billie Jean” and “Black and White”) earlier than certainly one of his dodgiest (“Heal the World”). Footnote: This was the Tremendous Bowl the place the coin-toss honors went to some man named O.J. Simpson.

Excellent news – he didn’t do “Freedom.” And he didn’t sing “A Arduous Day’s Night time” as a duet with Terry Bradshaw, like he famously did on the 2001 Tremendous Bowl. As an alternative, Macca did what he’s accomplished dwell for the previous decade – blaze the hell out of some classics with no glitz, no fuss, simply his personal crowd-slaying confidence. Who would have guessed he’d open with “Drive My Automotive,” kicking off the festivities in beep-beep type? He turned “Dwell and Let Die” right into a rousing stadium-shaker. Hell of a sport, too.

By no means say Katy isn’t sensible – the lady went all out to ship a beyond-ridiculous Vegas present, full with druggy dancing palm bushes and (in fact) Left Shark. However the large shock got here when a mysterious silhouette appeared within the shadows, as a teaser snippet of “Get Ur Freak On” performed. No. It couldn’t be. It was. Missy Freaking Elliott, stunning the world along with her first high-profile look in years, the comeback we’d all been praying for. Discuss understanding how to decide on your second. Give Katy credit score – solely a real star could be assured sufficient to share a highlight with Missy

Mick and the lads got here to kick ass. They acquired right down to enterprise with simply three songs: “Begin Me Up,” “Tough Justice” and the inevitable “Satisfaction.” Bonus factors for not taking part in “You Acquired Me Rockin’,” which they inexplicably did as half their set on the 12/12/12 profit live performance. As Mick joked earlier than “Satisfaction,” “This one we may have accomplished for Tremendous Bowl I.” Even so, the person was in higher form than many of the NFL gamers – wiggling all around the stage, shaking mad hips, Mick had his backfield in movement. The community censored the road “You made a useless man come,” understandably.

All people was questioning what sort of mischief Gaga would wreak on the Tremendous Bowl: How loopy would she get? How political? How Gaga? Then she aimed straight down the center with an uncontroversially crowd-pleasing hits medley, even starting with the Pledge of Allegiance: “One nation underneath God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all!” However she made “for all” sound radical along with her queer-positive anthem “Born This Approach,” in all probability the primary time “transgender” has been uttered on the Tremendous Bowl. No shock ways, no shock visitors — simply Gaga getting so aggressively regular it was freaky. And “Phone” remains to be a jam, with or with out Beyoncé.

Madonna has scored so many historic TV touchdowns through the years, it’s bizarre to recollect what a visceral thrill it was to see her rise to the Tremendous Bowl event. Possibly we have been all slightly anxious she’d get this second improper. (She does that generally.) However then she vogued on on the market with all these ancient-Roman gladiator studs, and abruptly it was simply the Queen of Queens doing a glam barrage of the best pop songs ever, i.e. hers. Like something Madonna does, it was a complete mess. These Cee-Lo harmonies on “Like a Prayer.” That Nicki Minaj pom-pom sex-bomb cameo. Superior. Oh, additionally: World Peace!

Rihanna hadn’t carried out anyplace in over 5 years, so folks have been fiending to learn the way she’d deal with her large comeback on the Tremendous Bowl. Visitor stars? Costume modifications? Fancy choreography? Nah. RiRi rocked all the best way solo, untouchably cool on her flying stage, as a result of all she wanted was her personal superhuman DGAF charisma. She sneered although one banger after one other, visibly pregnant however letting all of it hang around, with a squad of white-hooded dancers. She served discover proper off with “Bitch Higher Have My Cash,” sneered “Impolite Boy” over her shoulder with obscene ass grabs, topped it off with “Diamonds” underneath the fireworks. She additionally paused to repair her make-up, in a mini-ad for her personal Fenty Magnificence line. Discuss a boss transfer.

“I need you to step again from the guacamole dip! I need you to place these rooster fingers down! And switch your tv all the best way up!” His Bossness did a 14-minute end-zone energy drive that crammed in all of the fervor of a four-hour live performance marathon: “Tenth Avenue Freezeout,” “Born to Run,” “Glory Days” with new gridiron lyrics. (That “speedball” line by no means actually did make sense anyway, proper?) Good camera-crashing crotch slide, too. Throughout this nation, from the shoreline to town, the rooster fingers acquired chilly. R.I.P., Large Man.

Shakira and Jennifer Lopez weren’t the primary Latinas to rock the Tremendous Bowl halftime—Gloria Estefan did the honors thrice. However they acquired loud for this one. Because of the blatantly racist Colin Kaepernick ban, the NFL had bother discovering any big-name stars prepared to take the gig. However the Colombian rockera goddess and the Nuyorican hustler repped all of the fitness center mothers on the market—their glitzy exercise was an athletic feat that topped the precise sport. Shakira performed guitar hero *and* drum stud, from “She Wolf” to Led Zep’s “Kashmir.” J. Lo rode in on a stripper pole. Her daughter sang Springsteen’s “Born in the united statesA.” Unhealthy Bunny and J Balvin have been preventing simply to maintain up with the queens.

Folks nonetheless love to argue over this one: Good or insane? Personally, I’m a each man. In actual fact, I’m getting the “Stroll This Approach” jam tattooed on my face, as quickly as they devise GIF tattoos. It was a scandal on the time – a pair months later, in the course of inducting Aerosmith into the Rock and Roll Corridor of Fame, Child Rock paused to ask, “What have been you guys considering?” However “Stroll This Approach” must be some of the demented three-minute spectacles ever aired on TV. Britney, in silver soccer pants, starring because the Missy Who Was Able to Play. Mary J. Blige wailing alongside. Nelly rapping over Joe Perry’s guitar solo. Actually, the entire gloriously sleazy historical past of American pop music is right here on this efficiency.

It’s official: California actually does know the best way to get together. For the primary time, hip-hop took heart stage on the Tremendous Bowl, and Dr. Dre rose to the event, ruling over an old-school West Coast rap historical past lesson. Snoop joined him for “California Love,” whereas Mary J. Blige, the Queen of Hip-Hop Soul, denounced hateration and holleration in “Household Affair.” Kendrick—who actually wants a whole halftime spot to himself—did “Alright.” However the spotlight was Eminem taking a knee on the finish of “Lose Your self,” in solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and in defiance of the NFL censors. Bonus: Anderson .Paak kicking it on drums.

Beyoncé’s Tremendous Bowl triumph seems much more astounding on reflection, now that we all know how she was secretly spending her spare time. (Like, she in all probability went straight from the SuperDome to the studio and wrote “Partition” within the limo.) Bey ran the world with superhuman renditions of “Loopy in Love,” “Child Boy” and “Unbiased Ladies.” For the Future’s Little one reunion, she had Kelly Rowland and Michelle Williams magically launched as much as the stage. However Bey blew out the lights along with her whisper-to-a-scream “Halo.” (“All people put your arms in direction of me – I need to really feel your vitality!”) What a visit to share the planet with this girl.

U2 created one of many really nice live-TV rock & roll moments of all time, up there with “Unhealthy” at Dwell Help. Just some months after 9/11, U2 made this a tribute to the victims. After kicking off with “Stunning Day,” they performed the elegiac “MLK” whereas scrolling the names of the useless on a large display, an unforgettable sight, constructing as much as “The place the Streets Have No Identify.” On the finish, Bono ripped open his jacket to disclose the American flag sewn inside. It was a pained tribute to America that also felt profoundly anti-war and anti-violence, fairly a feat on the time. Solely U2 may have made this so grandiose, but so emotionally direct. Grown males wept buckets. Each daft ambition U2 ever had, each lofty declare they ever made, they earned tonight.

All people knew Prince would make this a freakfest for the ages. However he exceeded all expectations, in the course of a Miami thunderstorm. A Foo Fighters cowl? “We Will Rock You” into “Let’s Go Loopy”? “All Alongside the Watchtower”? An epic guitar-hero jam on “Purple Rain”? This attractive MF saved busting out surprises—a historic blast of rock & roll vanity. This efficiency has gotten way more well-known within the years after his tragic demise in 2016. Whereas he was alive, he saved preventing to stop anybody from posting it on-line, so that you couldn’t even discover it on YouTube. However since his demise, it’s rightly taken its place as a legendary Prince second. Whole mastery. Whole cool. Whole Prince.